Notebook Paper Pillows

Hey there.

I thought about starting my post with something else, but I figured an introduction is the polite way to begin a conversation, and jumping right in to something can sometimes be considered rude. And if I was rude, would you come back?? No!? So I'll say hello.

I want a cappuccino.

That's pretty much what I wanted to start with. I want to sit down, at a cafe, stare dramatically out of a tall, glass window, wait for a waitress to set down a nice, ceramic coffee mug (not those disposable ones bearing the green star-queen of caffeine), that is filled all the way up, steam curling aesthetically into the air.

That's what I'm feeling right about now. So if anyone wants to go get some coffee, I'm totally down for it. Just let me know. We can ponder the mysteries of life as we sip our drinks.

I register for my classes today, so I'm a bit anxious...I have to stop myself from literally watching the seats available disappear on the online schedule, as upperclassmen register before me. It's nerve-wracking, especially with my registration so late in the day. And I only have one class on Thursdays, so there's not much to distract me from ambling over to my computer, clicking on the school website, and just waiting.

But instead I'm going to try and be productive. I went to the gym this morning, later I'll hit up the library, do some research, maybe pick up a book on fluid mechanics....no, shhh. I'm supposed to be doing research for my social science class...maybe do homework, and try not to think about rewriting my whole schedule.

I think that's why I'm feeling the coffee right now. Or the cappuccino. Although...caffeine tends to increase anxiety levels, right? So do I really need it?

Yes. The answer is yes. Don't guess anything else.

But anyway, I guess today I want to talk about anxiety. Anxiety, and impatience, and pretty much everything that falls between. Because when it comes around, it tends to rule over everything else for a while. Which is not only unenjoyable, but rather crippling as well. If I'm anxious, I don't get things done. If I'm anxious, my mind doesn't focus like it should. I find my thoughts wandering, and I find myself paying less attention to the people and the things that I should.

I don't know if it is like this for everyone. But I know it's a dangerous place to be, and it's a vicious cycle. My mind will wander to other things that make me even more anxious and impatient, and I begin wishing my days away for fear of what staying too long in one of them will do.

If I'm anxious about something, more often than not, the something doesn't get done. Which is why I really want to focus on contentment, not anxiety. Patience, not impatience. Peace, not fear. That takes work, and it takes a flip-flop of perspectives. And as easy as it may sound in little tiny text on a little tiny computer screen...it's just not.

But it is possible. And it's my goal.

So today, I'm going to try not to worry about what may happen with my schedule, or what may happen with my classes this semester, or about the little tiny thoughts that continually lurk in the corners of my brain, telling me to worry about things I shouldn't worry over.

Happy Thursday, my friends, and you go get 'em today, you notebook paper pillowcases.