Hey bloggers. I should be doing homework, but I'm writing to you instead because I can't focus, and because it makes me not think about all my responsibility.
Today, I worked...meaning I taught a tutoring session. And let me tell you guys-I LOVE my job. I love it so much. Today, drawing on the chalk board and excitedly explaining the concepts covered in class, helping people understand...I don't know why that excites me so much. But I had a blast, and it made me really happy that I did take on this extra, time-consuming stress. It gives me life.
Anyway, what doesn't give me life is the amount of homework that I have. Which I really should be getting back to.
Today, my focus was on regular prayer. I'm trying, so hard, to get back into the habit of a never ending prayer. Sounds weird, right? But it's not...it's the feeling of keeping God's light on mind for the day; trying to keep Him in my thoughts throughout everything, in every moment. Because if His presence is always there, so is peace. And if His presence and His light is on my mind, I'm more likely to show His love to everyone around me. And that should be my intention.
My prayer today is that I am more intentional with my actions...that I don't let my day slip into meaningless monotony. And while I'm about to return to the monotony of homework, God's grace is on my mind.
I love you all, and I wish I had more time. But I hope you have a wonderful evening, and stay fresh, you minty coffee pods.
Monday, August 31, 2015
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Quilted Music Notes
Hey guys, what's up?! Hope your day is going well.
Today has been a generally good day all around. I got a lot accomplished, and I got a lot of relaxation and reflection time. The morning began with sunlight and sermons-a great sermon actually-and some powerful praise music. Then, this afternoon, my friends and I escaped to the Refuge, which is a park near our university.
It's actually more of a lake-silver mirror water dotted with tree stumps and herons, surrounded by a forest of intertwined trees and occasional eno's. Today, we joined the eno club and set up camp near the lake-a new study setting that allowed for a little more fresh air and a little less stress.
We had to improvise a bit, because all the trees were too big for my straps, and my friend Taylor and I shared a single strap. It was....interesting, but it was a lot of fun. And, it gave me a chance to breathe in and not feel like my lungs were collapsing.
Church this morning could not have been more accurate, more on point, more needed-for me personally. I don't know about anyone else in that crowd this morning, but the pastor asked a series of questions that literally hit me in the face. I'll give you a few of them, just to show you what I'm talking about. These are true or false...feel free to answer for yourself if you want.
1. Is God the #1 priority in your life?
2. Do you regularly make time for God?
3. Do you use his name flippantly, without respect?
4. Are you forgiving others, the way Jesus has forgiven you?
5. Are you living a God-honoring lifestyle?
I don't know where everyone else stood, but I felt like I was being called out personally, and I felt my insides sort of twisting and falling apart. I feel like the last few months have been a darker season for me, a time where I nearly lost myself.
But today in church, something hit me. Before I can start filling the emptiness, I have to find myself in God's light. Before I can be anything, I have to align myself with Him again. I need to love and praise Him, but more than that...I need to respect Him, humble myself, and stand in reverence of His perfection. And it's not until that moment that I begin living the life I'm supposed to.
And I'm ready for that life.
I hope you've had a relaxing weekend, and I hope you are fully prepared for the upcoming week. Even if you don't feel like it, I have total faith that you can make it through, you quilted music notes. I love you guys.
Today has been a generally good day all around. I got a lot accomplished, and I got a lot of relaxation and reflection time. The morning began with sunlight and sermons-a great sermon actually-and some powerful praise music. Then, this afternoon, my friends and I escaped to the Refuge, which is a park near our university.
It's actually more of a lake-silver mirror water dotted with tree stumps and herons, surrounded by a forest of intertwined trees and occasional eno's. Today, we joined the eno club and set up camp near the lake-a new study setting that allowed for a little more fresh air and a little less stress.
We had to improvise a bit, because all the trees were too big for my straps, and my friend Taylor and I shared a single strap. It was....interesting, but it was a lot of fun. And, it gave me a chance to breathe in and not feel like my lungs were collapsing.
Church this morning could not have been more accurate, more on point, more needed-for me personally. I don't know about anyone else in that crowd this morning, but the pastor asked a series of questions that literally hit me in the face. I'll give you a few of them, just to show you what I'm talking about. These are true or false...feel free to answer for yourself if you want.
1. Is God the #1 priority in your life?
2. Do you regularly make time for God?
3. Do you use his name flippantly, without respect?
4. Are you forgiving others, the way Jesus has forgiven you?
5. Are you living a God-honoring lifestyle?
I don't know where everyone else stood, but I felt like I was being called out personally, and I felt my insides sort of twisting and falling apart. I feel like the last few months have been a darker season for me, a time where I nearly lost myself.
But today in church, something hit me. Before I can start filling the emptiness, I have to find myself in God's light. Before I can be anything, I have to align myself with Him again. I need to love and praise Him, but more than that...I need to respect Him, humble myself, and stand in reverence of His perfection. And it's not until that moment that I begin living the life I'm supposed to.
And I'm ready for that life.
I hope you've had a relaxing weekend, and I hope you are fully prepared for the upcoming week. Even if you don't feel like it, I have total faith that you can make it through, you quilted music notes. I love you guys.
Saturday, August 29, 2015
(Not So) Teenage Calculators
Hey guys, it's me again. I hope the weekend has treated you well.
Today has been an interesting day...or semi-interesting, depending on how you look at it. I spent the night at my friends' apartment...but let's be real, when do I not?
Anyway, we woke up, cleaned house, made waffles, and went downtown for the day. It was fun, but pretty soon we had to come back to jump back into homework (which is, according to popular belief not as fun as everyone wants it to be). Homework seems to take over a lot of everything these days, even on the second weekend in school.
But we powered through, and when I say "powered through", I mean, we were barely hanging on by the end of it. So after some sushi and shenanigans, the evening is coming to a close with a bit of dancing and a lot of letting go of stress that's been building up inside.
As I've grown older, I've come to find that weekends aren't always the reset button on stress. In fact, the weekend sometimes feels even more stressful-the next week's to-do list starts to settle into your brain, fluffing the pillows and settling down for a stay. Last week's mistakes and unfinished projects still linger, and on top of it all, there's always the desire to let it all go and do something that doesn't require as much brainpower. It's like there's no real break.
And for me, it can be even worse than that sometimes. I get so anxious about perfecting every detail, about making everything right-in my life and on the paper-that I become useless. Useless because, while I'm supposed to be focusing on the electric field between two charges, I'm focusing on what topics I should cover in my tutoring session, what I need to buy at the store for food the upcoming week, what I'm going to do if I end up alone, living with twenty three cats in a few years. And then the charges start jumbling across the page and I'm left wondering if I'm even meant to be an engineer at all.
Thus the life of a college student, or this college student at least. Plus too much junk food (I'm trying to be good, guys).
College has left me wondering what makes for an interesting life...what do people do to balance work and school and living? It can be impossible...but I'm taking it one day at a time. I'm almost past the teenage years, and I feel that sense of fun and freedom slipping away. It feels like there are fewer and fewer nights left staying out til 2 AM, watching movies all night, eating popcorn and cookie dough and whatever else we're craving.
I don't want that time to disappear, but it's becoming harder and harder to fit those nights into a schedule. But again, it's a one day at a time kind of thing.
I love you guys, and while I've been super stressed, I have been trying to get on and post. So I'll try as long as I can, you teenage calculators. Stay numerically accurate.
Today has been an interesting day...or semi-interesting, depending on how you look at it. I spent the night at my friends' apartment...but let's be real, when do I not?
Anyway, we woke up, cleaned house, made waffles, and went downtown for the day. It was fun, but pretty soon we had to come back to jump back into homework (which is, according to popular belief not as fun as everyone wants it to be). Homework seems to take over a lot of everything these days, even on the second weekend in school.
But we powered through, and when I say "powered through", I mean, we were barely hanging on by the end of it. So after some sushi and shenanigans, the evening is coming to a close with a bit of dancing and a lot of letting go of stress that's been building up inside.
As I've grown older, I've come to find that weekends aren't always the reset button on stress. In fact, the weekend sometimes feels even more stressful-the next week's to-do list starts to settle into your brain, fluffing the pillows and settling down for a stay. Last week's mistakes and unfinished projects still linger, and on top of it all, there's always the desire to let it all go and do something that doesn't require as much brainpower. It's like there's no real break.
And for me, it can be even worse than that sometimes. I get so anxious about perfecting every detail, about making everything right-in my life and on the paper-that I become useless. Useless because, while I'm supposed to be focusing on the electric field between two charges, I'm focusing on what topics I should cover in my tutoring session, what I need to buy at the store for food the upcoming week, what I'm going to do if I end up alone, living with twenty three cats in a few years. And then the charges start jumbling across the page and I'm left wondering if I'm even meant to be an engineer at all.
Thus the life of a college student, or this college student at least. Plus too much junk food (I'm trying to be good, guys).
College has left me wondering what makes for an interesting life...what do people do to balance work and school and living? It can be impossible...but I'm taking it one day at a time. I'm almost past the teenage years, and I feel that sense of fun and freedom slipping away. It feels like there are fewer and fewer nights left staying out til 2 AM, watching movies all night, eating popcorn and cookie dough and whatever else we're craving.
I don't want that time to disappear, but it's becoming harder and harder to fit those nights into a schedule. But again, it's a one day at a time kind of thing.
I love you guys, and while I've been super stressed, I have been trying to get on and post. So I'll try as long as I can, you teenage calculators. Stay numerically accurate.
Friday, August 28, 2015
Knitted Candles
Hey guys. It's me again.
Two posts in a week...kind of crazy, right? But, if I say so myself, it's been a pretty crazy week, especially here on my campus. It's been a week of prayer and of patience, one that's sent me thinking a lot.
Yesterday morning, a little past ten....10:16 AM, actually.....everyone on campus received an alert saying that there was an "active shooter" in a building not far from where I sat. It was a moment of...wait, what? This happens on other campuses...in different parts of the country. Not here. Not me. Not now.
I waited it out. I waited to see what else was said while my professor continued to teach. Doors were locked, people quieted down. I texted my parents, my friends, my sisters, let them know what was happening, that I loved them, and that I'd give them more information when it was available.
And then the second text pinged that the suspect had moved across campus. And people started to freak out.
Needless to say, it was a long twenty minutes of confusion while the "suspect" moved from building to building, phones lighting up and going off as people contacted loved ones, ones on campus, social media...the works. For me, it was a mad dash to text everyone I could think of that I loved them, and that whatever happened, it would be alright. And it was a long twenty minutes of silent prayer, that no one would get hurt. That the man would be caught. That it would all be over. And thanking God for all the moments He had given me.
After twenty minutes, the all clear was given-he had been caught. He was in custody, and campus was safe. There were a series of events after that moment, including a 'second scare'-people came running back in, lights were shut off, the masses were huddled under the tables, against the walls, away from the windows, texts with various accounts of what was happening going off every few seconds-but it all boiled down to one conclusion. No one was hurt. No one had even been armed. And everything was going to be okay.
The campus was flooded with police, sirens, SWAT...everything. And in those few dark moments under the tables, doors locked, it felt like madness. Looking back on it now, many people say our campus was crazy...making a big deal out of nothing at all, causing panic amidst a tiny event.
But my perspective is this...the fact that the campus police and defense made a big deal out of nothing makes me feel a lot safer than if they had done nothing about a big deal. Our campus was instantly a family, looking out for one another when nothing was clear, and everything felt like it was on the line. And though there was never any real threat, I certainly won't complain that we had to hide under the tables for a bit of confusion. It could have been much, much worse. And the response campus had was one of strength and unity...not fear.
It was a stressful day on all accounts, but despite the confusion, I was at peace with the fact that, no matter the outcome, God was working. Whether the outcome was good or bad...it didn't matter. God was in control, and all I could do was praise Him.
I had intentions of writing something completely different this evening, and just giving a short blip of yesterday's events, but as you can see, it turned into something a little more. But that's how yesterday felt. Twenty minutes felt like ten years.
But I was okay-for the entire experience, I was at peace. And I thank God for that one. Even more, I thank God that everyone was safe. And the alleged "shooter" will continue to stay in my prayers.
I love all of you, very much, and I hope that you always know that. That someone loves you, and is praying for you. And hopefully I will see you all again in a few days, my knitted candles. Stay beautiful, and stay safe. I love you guys.
Two posts in a week...kind of crazy, right? But, if I say so myself, it's been a pretty crazy week, especially here on my campus. It's been a week of prayer and of patience, one that's sent me thinking a lot.
Yesterday morning, a little past ten....10:16 AM, actually.....everyone on campus received an alert saying that there was an "active shooter" in a building not far from where I sat. It was a moment of...wait, what? This happens on other campuses...in different parts of the country. Not here. Not me. Not now.
I waited it out. I waited to see what else was said while my professor continued to teach. Doors were locked, people quieted down. I texted my parents, my friends, my sisters, let them know what was happening, that I loved them, and that I'd give them more information when it was available.
And then the second text pinged that the suspect had moved across campus. And people started to freak out.
Needless to say, it was a long twenty minutes of confusion while the "suspect" moved from building to building, phones lighting up and going off as people contacted loved ones, ones on campus, social media...the works. For me, it was a mad dash to text everyone I could think of that I loved them, and that whatever happened, it would be alright. And it was a long twenty minutes of silent prayer, that no one would get hurt. That the man would be caught. That it would all be over. And thanking God for all the moments He had given me.
After twenty minutes, the all clear was given-he had been caught. He was in custody, and campus was safe. There were a series of events after that moment, including a 'second scare'-people came running back in, lights were shut off, the masses were huddled under the tables, against the walls, away from the windows, texts with various accounts of what was happening going off every few seconds-but it all boiled down to one conclusion. No one was hurt. No one had even been armed. And everything was going to be okay.
The campus was flooded with police, sirens, SWAT...everything. And in those few dark moments under the tables, doors locked, it felt like madness. Looking back on it now, many people say our campus was crazy...making a big deal out of nothing at all, causing panic amidst a tiny event.
But my perspective is this...the fact that the campus police and defense made a big deal out of nothing makes me feel a lot safer than if they had done nothing about a big deal. Our campus was instantly a family, looking out for one another when nothing was clear, and everything felt like it was on the line. And though there was never any real threat, I certainly won't complain that we had to hide under the tables for a bit of confusion. It could have been much, much worse. And the response campus had was one of strength and unity...not fear.
It was a stressful day on all accounts, but despite the confusion, I was at peace with the fact that, no matter the outcome, God was working. Whether the outcome was good or bad...it didn't matter. God was in control, and all I could do was praise Him.
I had intentions of writing something completely different this evening, and just giving a short blip of yesterday's events, but as you can see, it turned into something a little more. But that's how yesterday felt. Twenty minutes felt like ten years.
But I was okay-for the entire experience, I was at peace. And I thank God for that one. Even more, I thank God that everyone was safe. And the alleged "shooter" will continue to stay in my prayers.
I love all of you, very much, and I hope that you always know that. That someone loves you, and is praying for you. And hopefully I will see you all again in a few days, my knitted candles. Stay beautiful, and stay safe. I love you guys.
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Decaf Picket Fences
I'll be the first to admit it when I make a mistake-including the fact that I probably should have done laundry tonight. Or written a blog post at least once in the last month or so...but I messed that up quite a bit. In fact, I could look at the last few weeks and count up enough mistakes to string together a mile of mishaps.
I could tell you all about the mistakes I've made this semester (yes, I know...I'm only two weeks in), from taking on a full course load plus a job plus labs plus club positions...to rando-roommates that make life a little more complicated than I care to admit...I've had my fair share of stress. Which also isn't an excuse to slack on what's important to me.
In fact, turning back to string all those mistakes together would be a mistake itself...because in looking through all of that, I would completely miss all the great things that have happened in the last two weeks...and let me tell you, they've been pretty great.
I do have a job this semester, a job that-no matter how difficult it can be to manage my time-is something that I sincerely enjoy doing. I work as a sort of tutor-though maybe a little more involved than your average tutor. And while I may not be pursuing it as a career, I do have a passion for teaching...or for watching others learn. It makes me feel a little more whole inside each time, and I have so many opportunities to help so many people through this position.
I also have a family here at school that I wouldn't trade for any other family in the world....and no, unfortunately I don't mean my school as a whole, though I do have a tremendous amount of gratitude for all that it has offered me. I mean a close-knit group of friends that is always-ALWAYS-there for me. I can count on them to listen at all times, to feed me too much sugar when I need it, to go on late night adventures for coffee that I surely don't need, and to let me be their fourth roommate when I need to escape the stress that is 18 hours of classes. I'm serious when I say this....I love these people so much. And I owe them a lot more than I could ever give.
I've also started yoga this semester, which is...a stretch...ha...ha ha. Don't worry, I haven't lost my wit. But really, even if it starts before the sun rises, it is an interesting new development in my routine...and I will let you know when I reach pretzel status.
Also, I've found a church that I really love...and I don't mean, yeah, it's okay. I mean...it reminds me of my roots. It's not huge and formal and intimidating...it's small and cozy and passionate. And that's what gets me excited.
Among other great things (a creative writing class that gives me life...a physics class that makes my eyes sparkle...some opportunities at things I've never experienced, but hope to do more of....an executive position in a club that helps me explore more and more writing....coffee, coffee, and more coffee), is that I'm really starting to find myself. I'm starting to figure out what I love, and what I want to do with my life. I'm also learning my limits...both the easy way, and the hard way. I feel stretched a little too thin at times, but it can be a good thing. Because I know that know matter how hard I'm pulled, and no matter what gets thrown at me, this fighter isn't going to break.
But it's going to take some work on my part. I'm going to have to loosen up on the reins-a lot-and let God take over. I'm going to have to get back into a routine, and I'm going to have to start trusting Him and praising Him more than I do...because I definitely don't do it enough. Because I've learned the hard way that the only way to find balance in my life is to set Him at the top of it all. He's the only one that knows what's in my heart and in my head...and He's the only one who can lead me to what is right.
So, despite my long absences, here is another update on the happenings in my life, and it's good to get some things out. I love you all, so much, and I hope you have an excellent week. You're all in my prayers. Stay cool, you decaf picket fences. Stay cool.
I could tell you all about the mistakes I've made this semester (yes, I know...I'm only two weeks in), from taking on a full course load plus a job plus labs plus club positions...to rando-roommates that make life a little more complicated than I care to admit...I've had my fair share of stress. Which also isn't an excuse to slack on what's important to me.
In fact, turning back to string all those mistakes together would be a mistake itself...because in looking through all of that, I would completely miss all the great things that have happened in the last two weeks...and let me tell you, they've been pretty great.
I do have a job this semester, a job that-no matter how difficult it can be to manage my time-is something that I sincerely enjoy doing. I work as a sort of tutor-though maybe a little more involved than your average tutor. And while I may not be pursuing it as a career, I do have a passion for teaching...or for watching others learn. It makes me feel a little more whole inside each time, and I have so many opportunities to help so many people through this position.
I also have a family here at school that I wouldn't trade for any other family in the world....and no, unfortunately I don't mean my school as a whole, though I do have a tremendous amount of gratitude for all that it has offered me. I mean a close-knit group of friends that is always-ALWAYS-there for me. I can count on them to listen at all times, to feed me too much sugar when I need it, to go on late night adventures for coffee that I surely don't need, and to let me be their fourth roommate when I need to escape the stress that is 18 hours of classes. I'm serious when I say this....I love these people so much. And I owe them a lot more than I could ever give.
I've also started yoga this semester, which is...a stretch...ha...ha ha. Don't worry, I haven't lost my wit. But really, even if it starts before the sun rises, it is an interesting new development in my routine...and I will let you know when I reach pretzel status.
Also, I've found a church that I really love...and I don't mean, yeah, it's okay. I mean...it reminds me of my roots. It's not huge and formal and intimidating...it's small and cozy and passionate. And that's what gets me excited.
Among other great things (a creative writing class that gives me life...a physics class that makes my eyes sparkle...some opportunities at things I've never experienced, but hope to do more of....an executive position in a club that helps me explore more and more writing....coffee, coffee, and more coffee), is that I'm really starting to find myself. I'm starting to figure out what I love, and what I want to do with my life. I'm also learning my limits...both the easy way, and the hard way. I feel stretched a little too thin at times, but it can be a good thing. Because I know that know matter how hard I'm pulled, and no matter what gets thrown at me, this fighter isn't going to break.
But it's going to take some work on my part. I'm going to have to loosen up on the reins-a lot-and let God take over. I'm going to have to get back into a routine, and I'm going to have to start trusting Him and praising Him more than I do...because I definitely don't do it enough. Because I've learned the hard way that the only way to find balance in my life is to set Him at the top of it all. He's the only one that knows what's in my heart and in my head...and He's the only one who can lead me to what is right.
So, despite my long absences, here is another update on the happenings in my life, and it's good to get some things out. I love you all, so much, and I hope you have an excellent week. You're all in my prayers. Stay cool, you decaf picket fences. Stay cool.
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