Sparkling Cacti

Well hello dedicated bloggers. I suppose that if you're reading this...either you really, really, really liked my blog.....orrrrrrr I got so excited about writing a new post that I told you about it (I'd put money on the latter). Either way, you're here I suppose, so I should catch you up on a few things and probably let you get to the main portion of the post.

It's been a long, tedious, time-consuming semester--or longer...sorry--and there just hasn't been a whole lot of time for updates. But hopefully, with a more regular schedule this summer (by the way, got a new job!) I can put in less hours working on projects and papers, and more time with what I love: writing. Specifically, more time with this little space of the world wide web.

School was rough this last year, and I've heard from a lot of people that your sophomore year usually goes that way. I was questioning my major every other week, and the sleep schedule was a little less than desirable. But, by the end of it, I realized I am exactly where God wants me to be. If every note was a high one, it wouldn't be much of a melody (cheesy, but who cares).

By the end of the year, I realized I really enjoyed the classes I was in. I loved Differential Equations. Everything was a puzzle, and you know how I feel about puzzles. Dynamics was...interesting, sometimes challenging, but definitely something I love. And my major-specific class about the properties of materials may have been my most difficult class, but I have to say, by the end of it, I knew I was in the right major. It's everything I want to work with.

There were definitely days, especially nights, where it didn't feel worth it. I felt like I was stressing myself for absolutely no reason, and nothing was going to come from all my effort. But I'll tell you what, even though I still have those days, I know I'll eventually remember that I'm working for something that I really do love, and I love learning, and it's kind of my life goal to never stop learning. So as challenging as it can be, I know I'm in the right place.

I spent a lot of time on my own this semester, and I spent a lot of time figuring out who I was. Another cheesy note for you--but it's true. I purposefully distanced myself from a lot of things that kept me up for too many hours, and made my head spin even more than it already did. And in the words of one of new favorites (lol), sometimes "you gotta burn bridges just to create some distance". And while it sounds a bit dark, sometimes, distance is exactly what you need.

It's easy to get addicted to feeling sorry for yourself. And it's easy to let things like anxiety and fear control everything (trust me). And I'm not saying I've "cured" my anxiety in the last few months. It's still something I deal with, even on the daily. But I'm working on it, and I've got a lot of people who are helping me work on it. But I (try to) stay away from the things that tend to pull me further beneath the waves. In the last week, I let a few of those things back in, even knowing I shouldn't. Like I said, it's something I'm working on--but here's to hard work and dedication.

I guess the main point I'm trying to make here, is that life--for me--isn't some steady, flat line. It's definitely got its peaks and valleys, but I'm learning to let go of the idea of perfecting it. Life is never going to be perfect, but that doesn't mean I can't live every moment of it with my eyes up. You can't look down, and you sure can't look back. You have to keep your eyes up, and that's what I'm going to try to do. And I'm gonna try to write more, I promise.

So here's hoping you keep your eyes up, and that you have a fantastically spectacular evening. Best wishes, you sparkling cacti, and until next time.